So lately I´ve been feeling a bit down. I sit in the sofa and ask myself, “What do I want from this world?”, “Will I be able to achieve my dreams?”, “Actually, what are my dreams?”, “Am I good person?”, “How does one know if they are a good person?”
All these questions are meaningless and meaningful at the same time. Sometimes when you fall deep down in a hole, everything seems dark. These questions become a burden. A heavy burden. Then this heavy burden feels like the whole world is stepping on your chest and you can´t breathe. Then you decide, I want to just ignore all this, put this to the side, and then you sit on the sofa, watching Netflix. Eating a lot of food, and almost doing nothing. Cleaning the house can feel like a big accomplishment in these times. Or even just getting up and making yourself a sandwich. Then you go back into this bubble, that feels safe and try to distract yourself as much as possible.
We´ve all been there, right? When life becomes a bit too much. Too heavy to carry. Too difficult to go on with.
So yeah, I was in this phase for like a week. It has its beauty side also, you kinda take a break from life.
I sometimes have a feeling, “Okay soon, I´m gonna break down” before it happens. I wonder if it’s an intuition, something I´m looking forward to, or if I´m the one who puts it in my head. I´ve had these breakdowns my whole life. When life just stops, time stops, and you stop. This time I tried hard to reflect upon it, and I realized…its normal. It can also be actually a healthy thing. What can turn it into an unhealthy thing, is the time you spend being in this state. A day is completely fine! A week is more than normal. Two weeks is normal. 4 weeks is okay. However, I feel like 5 or more, that’s dangerous.
What I learned this time is, these phases are good for reflecting on your life. What are the things you need to change, how do you change them, when do you start changing, etc? You can think about why you shut down this time. Was it all too much? Were there many difficult situations lately? Were you stressed lately? You can also think about the difference between this breakdown and the one before, or breakdowns a year ago, or two years ago. Is there any development? What changed? Has it been going downhill? All these questions can help you move on better forward. This world is too fast for us, and too many things at too many times. We are too distracted, busy, tired, and exhausted. We are working hard to make it through, but we forget to take care of ourselves. Society turned us into robots, they turned our focus on the meaningless things and we need to change that. We need to focus on the things that are actually meaningful.
This time I realized it way more than before, the things that are meaningful are the small things of big things. God, family, and friends. To me I realized these are the most meaningful things in my life. Starting with God, God keeps my heart moving, God gives me hope for this life and the after, God is the reason I strive to do good. Then family, this time I realized how important it is to create your own family. A family full of love, happiness, and peace. I realized that more importantly than a career, I want to be the best mother for my future kids. I want to give them a good life that is fulled with good memories. This was my focus this time, I think its because of my age, I´m 25 so maybe that why. Usually when I think of family, I think of my family in the US and my family in Germany. My siblings, parents, mother in law, husband, etc. These people are the most important people in my life, the ones I love the most. Then friends, this time I realized what can be a key to friendships is keeping in mind that friendships are the ones that change throughout your life. Thats a truth, a hurtful truth that we have to accept. You can have lifelong friends, childhood friends, teenage years friends, work friends, family friends, etc. It´s a circle that is filled with all kinds of people and you can fill it as you like. Its the only thing that is your choice. Everything else isn´t, your family aren´t the people that you chose, but your friends are. So choose wisely! Also let go of the people that let you go.
So next time you have a breakdown, take a deep breath. Let it all in. Then let it all out.
Take your time, just don’t take too much time.
Embrace it and try to learn from it
Reflect on it, reflect on the past few weeks and see where it went wrong.
Enjoy the small moments of the big moments. Celebrating a friend’s birthday, taking a walk, drinking a coffee before work, meditating or praying, partying, and all the beautiful moments you spend with the people you love.
I wish that whoever is going through a breakdown, that you will feel better soon. That you will see the light in the end of the tunnel. That you will get up, smile, and say “I´ve got this!”. Wish everyone around the world the best! Take care of yourselves. Much Love, Adyan.
Thank you so much for reading Adyan´s Blog! Feel free to comment, share, or send an email if you want. Have a victorious day!