This post is for the people who try to fix things that are unfixable. The people who think they can change other people. The people who believe in others more than they believe in themselves. Some will understand exactly what I mean, to the ones who understand this. This post is focused on you. It won’t be a very nice one, it will be a criticizing one. So, if you can´t handle it then don’t read the rest.
I was someone who always was like that, thinking I can change people. “I can change her” or “I can change him”. “I´ll help them become better.” “I´m doing this for them.” At that time, I thought it was a good thing, I thought I can help people be the best version of themselves. Now I realize that that was the least helpful thing for me. That I did that to run away from the things I needed to change in myself. That I was too focused on others because I didn’t want to focus on myself. Then I realized that is something very weak and dangerous. As I got older, I realized, the more you help yourself the better you will be at helping others. Imagine it like this, a person sees a wall with mold. Every time he sees a wall with mold, he tries to clean it. He scrubs and scrubs. After he’s finished and it’s gone, he goes and searches the walls to see if there is any mold. Not realizing that he is the one covered completely in mold. He was too focused on cleaning the walls that he didn’t have the time to clean himself.
So, for the ones who are trying to change their parents, stop that.
The ones who are trying to change their siblings, stop that.
The ones who are trying to change their partners, stop that.
The ones who are trying to change their friends, stop that.
The ones who are trying to change themselves, keep on doing that.
It’s easy to search for the devil in others, one of the easiest things to do in the world, to be honest. However, it’s very difficult to face the devil inside of you. That’s why people focus on others instead.
Why did I say that can be “dangerous”? Because I realized that that can be a form of ignorance and arrogance. How? Let’s take for example a romantic relationship and trust me I´ve seen this happen SO MANY TIMES! A woman finds a man, and she falls in love with him but thinks at the same time, “Yeah, there are many flaws, but I´ll work on changing that”. “I can change him.”. That means this person doesn’t love the man for who he is, she’s in love with what he can become. There are many different forms of love by the way. I see it this way, there is a hormonal affection, which is the love of desires. When you fall in love with someone because you’re attracted to them physically. They are attractive, it looks good to have this partner standing next to you, and makes you feel confident. Pure love is when you’re in love with someone spiritually. Your souls are connected. Physically and mentally compatible. A very peaceful love, like a beautiful garden. Then the third one I call compatibility love. This love is when two people are compatible together, understand each other well, and can have a nice balance. More of a logical relationship. These are the love categories that I´ve created for love. Then of course there is family and friendship love that we can address another time.
So, what I´m trying to say is, don’t try to change people. Try to change yourself. It’s good to help people when they need help and that’s the most effective. But it’s not helpful to try to change people, in a way that is befitting for you. That’s something very selfish to do.
Don’t see the faults in others but see the faults in yourself. There is no one perfect or flawless. No matter how good-hearted, pure, or helpful someone is. The urge to change people is a mechanism used to help you not focus on yourself. To not allow yourself to see the faults and flaws in you that need to change.
There is so much you need to work on, your habits, behaviors, character, etc. There are problems with you as much as there is a problem with the person you are trying to change. You aren’t any better. Sorry to say that, but you aren’t. You have flaws and things you need to face but you choose not to, you choose to look at the flaws of others and help them change that. Using the excuse “I´m doing this for them”. No, you aren’t you’re doing this for yourself. You’re doing it because you don’t want to look at yourself, that’s ignorance. Or because you think you are flawless or there isn’t anything major to change, that’s arrogance.
The goal for today’s post is to reflect, to search within yourself. To change yourself and not others. Once you do that, you will change the world for the better.
I am sorry if this post was a bit harsh today. Remember that I only write to give you a different perceptive and it’s you who decides what to take from it and what not. Sorry, that for months I haven’t posted anything. Life was hectic with many changes, and now I´m back and I will try my best to write things that are helpful and diverse. Questions and comments are also welcomed. Anyone who wants to contact me regarding help or advice is needed, click on my contact, and send me an email! Looking forward to hearing from you! Thank you so much for reading Adyan´s Blog. See you next time.