We all are surrounded by people who are either our friends or family, and on the other hand we are also surrounded by people through society and our careers.
When we look at the roles these people have on us and the roles we have on them, we realize who we are to each one of them. When we realize that we then can tell that we are a different version of ourselves to each one of them. How a son is to his mother is different than how he is to his father. Maybe with his mother he is more emotional and sensitive and with his father he is more courageous and mature. Then if he has a sister and a brother his role changes, he then with his sister can be overprotective and with his brother he is more lenient. Then he has his friends where maybe he is the chill and cold person of the group while at home he is the kind and hardworking one.
Where I´m trying to go with this is with all of the roles we have in our lives we tend to forget or not focus on who we truly are. Because whether you like it or not, the people in your lives affect who you are. Many like to deny that, and that’s not good. That’s the simple truth of human nature. You learn, adapt, take, from the people around us.
Friends sometimes are the most dangerous ones because with siblings there is more of a safety that they will never leave, so you tend to express and do things more with them without thinking of consequences. While friends on the other hand you think of what you do and say, and how it might affect them. Which then stops you from doing or saying a couple things. Also with friends you try to show your worth, while with siblings most of the time they know your worth and don’t need you to fight for it. If you are in a relationship with a friend where you constantly are showing care and not getting it back, then that’s not a healthy relationship. If you like to spend time with a friend and they don’t want to spend time with you, then that’s an unhealthy relationship. When we love people we tend to give our best and they tend to take it for granted. Don’t fight for friendships that aren’t healthy and don’t fight for people who aren’t fighting for you. Keep that in mind with your relationships with your friends and learn to let go of people when they have let go of you.
It’s never good to need to fight for love and worth, because that’s something that comes from yourself. When you know you are loved, you don’t fight for it. You don’t do things that you don’t want to do, and you don’t lie with the things that you want to say. When you know your worth as a citizen and a colleague you will not overwork or do things that you’re not needed to do in order to impress them and earn their trust and respect.
When a person is not seeing you as a worthy one, then don’t try to change that but instead change what image you have of yourself. How worthy do you think you are? When you then will change yourself into believing you are a worthy person then that energy will radiate and you will earn respect without needing to fight for it. You then will also realize who are the people that respect you and who don’t. If you realize then that there are people that are just awful and arrogant and don’t know how to respect people, then leave them. It’s as easy as that, and yes it’s easy. It’s not hard to see how people treat you, it’s also not hard to leave people that don’t treat you well. However make sure you also are giving people respect and worth, because if you aren’t doing that then you’re not worthy to be respected. What you give is what you get as they say.
The different roles we have in our lives tend to pull us away from knowing for ourselves who we are. We sometimes take the words of our parents and think we´re good and obedient people, while on the other hand our boss is telling us we are a lazy piece of lettuce. So who is telling the truth? Our mother tells us we are kind while our friends tell us we are cold. Who’s right? What I think the answer is is that neither of them are right because who you are is defined by what “you” say you are. If you say you are a cold person, then even if your mother and friends say you are kind, you will be or become a cold person. If you say you are ugly, and everyone tells you you are pretty, then sorry but you either are or will be seen as ugly. What defines you is you and while others are saying to your face the opposite, overtime if you will not listen to the good things they say and believe it then they will instead believe what you are saying about yourself.
What’s really effective is that at least once a day sit with yourself and reflect. Reflect on your achievements, relationships, progress, personality, changes you’ve made, and the effects people have on you. Sit down and see what did I achieve this year, what was the progress I made with this project or studies, how did my personality change from a year ago, what are the things that I use to do that I don’t do anymore, and how is my friend, spouse, mother, colleague, affecting me with their behaviours. When you can answer these questions everyday then with time you will realize the changes you need to make. For example a friend who you don’t have a deep connection to and can’t talk to, what are you gaining from this relationship? Maybe they are the friend that you go out and have adventures with or that they are the ones that remind you to do some fun things. Not all relationships need to be deep, sometimes you love a person but this person just cant open up, they just can’t talk. That’s okay if that person is someone you love and care about and still want in your life. Think of what the good that friend does to you. If you think about your relationships and see that there is no benefit but instead it’s not good. Then you can distance yourself from this person. Or cut them off. Another thing that one needs to accept actually is that don’t cling to people who are distancing themselves from you. Accept that distance and don’t let it affect what you think of yourself. Accept that not all the time people will love you as you love them. That also it won’t always happen that when you want someone to stay in your life that they will stay. People come and go. Remember that. Whoever chooses to stay be thankful for that and who chooses to leave, let them go.
So…remember to always reflect on yourself at least once a day. Remember to not let your roles define you but that you define yourself. Learn to change your mind into believing the good in you and don’t always focus on the bad. And lastly, with relationships, take care of the ones who make time for you and want you in their lives and let go of the ones who aren’t doing that. Thank you so much for reading Adyan´s Blog! Lets get through life together! Have a great day:)