How to Disappoint Yourself

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I´ve always tried to look at the good in people, maybe even sometimes the best in people. It was a trait that I was even proud of, I thought it was a good thing to look beyond flaws and mistakes. To be more accurate, to ALWAYS look beyond flaws. There are times where looking at the good in people isn’t  the best thing you can do. Especially when it makes you oblivious to other traits.  As much as they deserve you to see the good in them, you also shouldnt be naive to the bad traits in someone. 

We all have bad traits, there isn’t a perfect human being in the world. We are a balance of good and bad, kind and mean, loving and hating, happiness and sadness. You can’t look at someone who is always happy and forget the sadness that this person has. You can’t look at a person who’s always loving and forget that this person also has things that he or she hates. You can’t look at a kind person always kind, and then one day you see them mean and think “They aren’t kind people.”. It also happens vice versa, a person who isn’t loving, kind, you can’t think they don’t have love or kindness.The human self is a balance of everything, there are more dominant traits than others and that’s usually where we define people personality wise. 

When a person likes, loves, or befriends someone, the eyes tend to not work together. A person usually then sees with one eye open and the other one closed. Meaning everything is seen as good, nice, beautiful, etc. The other eye is closed meaning even if you don’t really like something about what you saw, you decide to not look at it. That’s usually the beginning of a friendship or romantic relationship you’ve made. I´ve heard so many people say that’s a good thing, or else then you wouldn’t have made this kind of relationship. Which can be true actually, but my point is at one point you should open that eye by yourself before it opens forcefully.  The beginnings of relationships are always nice, fresh, happy etc. With time when the eye starts opening up you then see the things that you don’t really like. Which then can shift a relationship. That’s why it’s important that when you look at someone, when you meet someone, don’t take a picture of someone through that one eye. 

When you like someone you make a list in your head of the good things about them. Why you like them, what makes them good people, why you want them in your life. This list then is used to eliminate the bad things one sees.  This list that you’ve just made, had nothing to do with the other person, you’ve created an image of someone that has some truth to it, but isn’t the “truth”. It’s a lie with a little truth in it. You made an idea, an expectation, that can jeopardize your relationship. 

Expectations…..they are the root of relationship problems. When you dig down really deep in a problem you will find that expectations are the roots. When these expectations are unfulfilled, misguided, or not true, then that starts creating problems. When you put someone in a high place, a higher position than they deserve, that’s where disappointments will occur. You expected more than what this person actually is. Then your expectations turn out to be wrong, which then will make you disappointed in that person. Thoughts like, “This is the best friend, will always be there for me and understand me.” Or, “He is a perfect man nothing can go wrong.” These thoughts are unrealistic, a fantasy. Your friends and spouses will make mistakes, that’s just life. Don’t live in a fantasy, because then it will be crushed. This world is beautiful but it’s full of trials. God tests people in the hardest ways, some pass and some don’t. This isn’t a perfect world so you will have nothing that perfect. Instead you will have things that are imperfect but still beautiful. That’s how your mind should be programmed. 

When you’re looking at a friend, look at what she and he really is, not what they can give to you. Same with spouses, look at what they really are and not what they can give to you. Don’t make people better than they are, because sadly they aren’t like that. That’s just how it is my friends. We are all humans, not angels, we are not perfect nor are the people we love. So don’t put expectations on other people and then disappoint yourself. Because honestly they didn’t do wrong, you did. You put these expectations on them that don’t exist and didn’t look at them for who they really are. 

Many will think that this blog is harsh. Don’t misunderstand, I am not saying don’t look at the good in people. I´m saying that you should look at both the good and the flaws. When you look at someone with the good and bad they have and still think they are perfect even with their imperfections, then not only did you save yourself trouble but also respected the person in front of you. We all have imperfections, different kinds of imperfections, but each person should know which ones they can deal with and not. 

It took me a long long time to realize something like this. Even though it’s not easy to not have expectations, it’s so much better for oneself. You won’t rely on others for your happiness or growth. You will instead put expectations for yourself, work on yourself, and grow. Instead of wasting time with these thoughts for others. Work on yourself instead. 

 Happiness comes from within you, love comes from within you. You can’t love other people if you don’t love yourself, and you wont make other people happy if you’re not happy with yourself. So instead of expecting your family and friends to always love you and make you happy, try to put that expectation on yourself. Be loving to yourself, then you will be able to see the love you have around you.  
So remember a couple things, don’t expect anything from anyone, happiness and love comes from within you, and treat your loved ones with respect, love, and kindness. Have a great day my friends, and please subscribe to my website, the link  https://adiansblog97.com/subscribe/ Thank you for your support! Bye bye!

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